50 Hysterical Lines To Make Your Maid Of Honor Speech As Funny As Possible

50 Hysterical Lines To Make Your Maid Of Honor Speech As Funny As Possible

Being a Maid Of Honor can be such a blessing, but it is also a big responsibility.

You are an integral part of the happy couple’s wedding day, and will be responsible for helping the bride in any way that you can.

You’ll be walking with her down the aisle, helping with bridal party duties, and of course, you have the Maid Of Honor speech.

While you may be over the moon that the bride has asked for you to stand up there with her at the altar on the big day, the thought of doing a speech in front of lots of guests can be a little unnerving. 

That’s where we come in handy.

With this guide, you can get some inspiration and guidance of what to say in your Maid Of Honor speech to absolutely kill it!

We’ll cover how to structure the speech, what hysterical lines you can include, the best tips, and how to actually write your Maid Of Honor speech.

So, read on to find out!

How To Structure Your Maid Of Honor Speech

If you want to knock your maid of honor speech out of the park, then you’ll need to plan it well.

While everyone will have a different approach to a Maid Of Honor speech, as you know the bride and groom so well, it is a good idea to have a structure to follow, so you don’t go off on a tangent and start attacking the happy couple with rude comments or anecdotes. 

Luckily for you, we have a sort of template that you can follow so that your speech is structured and well rounded.

First off, start with a little bit about yourself to just introduce yourself, but remember this is not about you.

Then, you can move on to how you know the bride first, but also how you know the groom and a little bit about them as a couple. 

You can begin with a line about who you are, how long you’ve known the bride, and how strong your friendship has been over the years.

You can talk a little bit about your life with the bride before she found the person of her dreams.

Then, this can lead into how her soulmate has changed her life for the better, and what role they have played in this. 

You can then talk about the things they have achieved together, whether that is purchasing a home, having children, traveling, pets, or growing as individuals and as a couple.

Talk about how they complement each other, and how they bring out the best in one another. 

Throughout the speech, you will want to throw in some funny anecdotes about the bride and groom.

These can be slightly embarrassing, but not too over the line so that your bride would feel ashamed or uncomfortable. 

However, keep in mind that you shouldn’t just be telling stories and reminiscing about your time with the bride, the anecdotes should be linked to an overall theme about her personality, and you can loop it back to that to get the crowd smiling or laughing.

Make sure your stories all come together to have a happier, more emotional response as a result.

Finally, you’ll want to sum up and talk about the relationship and happiness that the couple share together. Talk about them as a couple, and bring it back to the present and talk about the wedding day itself.

Then, you can make a toast as the conclusion, and wish the happy couple all of the best for the future. 

50 Lines To Make Your Maid Of Honor Speech As Funny As Possible

To start off your speech, you’ll need to introduce yourself. You can use some of these funny lines to get things going.

  1. Beautiful, kind, caring…but enough about me, we’re here to talk about the Bride! 
  1. My name is X, I’m the Maid of Honor, and I’d just like to start by congratulating ‘Bride’…on her exceptional taste in speech givers.
  1. Where to begin…’Bride’ is smart, beautiful, charming, caring…sorry ‘Bride’ I can’t read your handwriting!
  1. Today we are gathered here to witness a magical, life changing event…my speech. The wedding wasn’t so bad either! 
  1. ‘Bride’ and I have been friends for many years. Hopefully we will continue to do so after I’ve finished my speech!
  1. Welcome everyone. Today you are going to experience an important day in history; the first and last time ‘Bride’ ever asks me to do a speech. 
  1. They say when two people are right for each other, marriage is a walk in the park. In ‘Bride’ and ‘Groom’s’ case, that park is Jurassic Park. 
  1. When ‘Bride’ asked me to be the Maid Of Honor, I thought ‘how could I turn her down?’ – after all, there’s an open bar! 
  1. The happy couple have asked that I don’t tell any embarrassing stories during this speech. So, that’s all from me, folks. Thanks for listening. 
  1. The bride and I have always had things in common. We share the same sense of humor, so if my speech isn’t funny, blame ‘Bride’. 
  1. We can all agree that it’s been a beautiful and wonderful day. Unfortunately, that ends here with my speech!
  1. Can you all hear me okay? If you can’t hear in the back, the complete silence in the front should tell you all you need to know. 
  1. Of all the weddings I’ve attended in the past, this one, by far…is the most recent. 
  1. Before I start, I’d just like to remind you that standing on chairs and tables is not permitted by the venue, so don’t worry about my standing ovation. 

Hysterical Maid Of Honor Lines

  1. Being married is all about compromise. If ‘Bride’ wants a puppy, and ‘Groom’ doesn’t, then they’ll have to compromise…and get a puppy. 
  1. ‘Groom’ always remember that once you’re married, you’ll need to get the last two words in during an argument. Those words are ‘Yes, dear’. 
  1. ‘Groom’, never make fun of your wife’s choices. Remember, you’re one of them! 
  1. When you’re married, you can tell each other everything. You can tell ‘Groom’ your secrets, without worrying about him telling anyone. Because he probably wasn’t listening in the first place!
  1. ‘Bride’ has been so excited to be a wife, for so many reasons, but mainly because she can eat what she wants now, and will never have to shave her legs again!
  1. I’m not saying ‘Bride’ changes her mind too much, but I have still got the receipt for the wedding gift!
  1. They like to tell everyone they met in a coffee shop and their eyes just met from across the room, but we know they really met on (dating site). 
  1. ‘Bride’ has always been like a sister to me, so watch out ‘Groom’ she will steal your makeup and heels. 
  1. As a friend, I would do anything for ‘Bride’, but now you’re married, ‘Groom’ can do it for you!
  1. I’m not saying that you’ll never be right again ‘Groom’, but you’re never going to admit it. 
  1. I want to thank the Bride for choosing me to be part of her big day. And ‘Groom’ for having such handsome groomsmen! How you doin’? 
  1. I’ve been given a list of things not to say during the speech. With that in mind, cheers everyone!
  1. It’s been a very emotional day for everyone. Even the cake is in tiers. 
  1. ‘Bride’ has never been the type to back down from a challenge. That’s why she married ‘Groom’. 
  1. When I first sat down to write my speech, I just kept thinking; I can’t believe ‘Bride’ is getting married…in less than an hour. 
  1. The Bride looks just like a princess tonight. I just hope she doesn’t run away by midnight!
  1. I could tell that it was true love when ‘Bride’ found out he was a ‘Team’ fan, and still decided to marry him.
  1. I have to let the groom’s friends know that ‘Bride’ loves spending time with you, so remember that when he cancels plans and blames her. 
  1. ‘Groom’ is definitely cut out to be a great dad. After all, he has an awful sense of humor already!
  1. Marriage is a union of two people, where one is always right, and the other is the groom. 
  1. ‘Groom’, never forget to say those three magical words…’okay buy it’. 
  1. Remember, ‘Groom’, happy wife, happy life!
  1. I’d like to offer you some relationship advice for the future…but I’m still single and have three cats, so what do I know? 
  1. Before I end this speech, I’d just like to ask the bride and groom to turn and look at each other. Look into each other’s eyes. You are now facing the person who is statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!! 

Romantic Maid Of Honor Lines

  1. May you have health, wealth, and love, but most importantly, may you have all of the time in the world to enjoy all of them. 
  1. You are so blessed to have been able to celebrate your love on such a beautiful day, so let’s raise our glasses to the bride and groom. 
  1. All relationships have challenges, and it’s never easy. But, with patience, and the power of love you can grow together and learn together. 
  1. ‘Bride’ has always been a role model for me. I hope that one day I too will find a partner, a best friend and a love that she has found in ‘Groom’. 
  1. A great marriage is all about falling in love many times, over and over again with the same person. 
  1. As Natalie Cole once said: The greatest thing you will learn is to love and to be loved in return.
  1. I hope your love will be modern enough to survive the times, and old fashioned enough to last forever. 
  1. When the love is real, it feels effortless.
  1. Let’s raise a glass to the bride and groom, I wish you nothing but happiness in your life together.
  1. May each day be filled with love and laughter.
  1. I hope each day of wedded bliss is as joyous, and magical as today has been. 
  1. I hope ‘for better or worse’ ends up being far better than worse. 

How To Write Your Maid Of Honor Speech

When it comes to writing the Maid Of Honor Speech, follow our template and structure above. However, there are a few things to keep in mind.

50 Hysterical Lines To Make Your Maid Of Honor Speech As Funny As Possible (1)

For instance, when it comes to writing the speech, this is not something you’ll want to do the week before the wedding. 

While it can be great to include mishaps or memories that were made at the bachelorette party or in the rehearsal dinner, you’ll want to have some time to brainstorm ideas, memories and stories that you have shared together.

Then, you can narrow down the list and find the most impactful stories to tell. 

You should also avoid using cliche lines such as Bride is such a wonderful person and a great friend, unless you have an anecdote that relates to this.

Just providing lists of praise can be monotonous for the audience, so illustrate why the bride or groom is so great with a story instead of just saying it to people. 

When writing and planning your speech, you will also need to consider a few things.

For instance, think about who’s speech is before or after yours, so that there is no similarity, or you don’t end up telling the same stories.

Also consider who is going to be listening to the speech, is the bride’s grandma going to be there? What things do you not want to say in front of them?

Also, is there a line you’d like to say to the bride’s new groom? You may want to wish them well or give some advice for their future ahead. 

Try to remember that while this is a moment for you to stand up and say something, it is not about you. It should be focused around the bride and groom, so you should not be the one shining through the speech. 

You should also avoid talking about exes in detail, as the speech is in front of all of their family and friends, and the same goes for dirty talk, toilet humor, or deeply personal information. 

Finally, ensure you have moments within your speech where you can pause for a reaction, so that the audience can laugh, and still be able to hear the next part of the speech without missing anything. 

Top Tips For Your Maid Of Honor Speech

  1. Make it short and sweet
  1. Focus on the couple, not just the bride
  1. Don’t include inside jokes – the crowd won’t understand
  1. Have some fun, but don’t cross the line or end up bullying
  1. Practice beforehand
  1. Make sure you tell a story
  1. Don’t use cliches
  1. Don’t mention exes
  1. Don’t say anything inflammatory
  1. End with a nice comment and a toast


To summarize, being a Maid Of Honor is exactly that- it’s an honor. You get to support the bride through one of the most important and memorable moments in her life, and be an essential part of the big day.

While the Maid Of Honor speech can be daunting, it can be so much easier if you do some prep work beforehand.

With this guide, you’ll have plenty of inspiration, funny quotes and an easy to follow structure, so you know what to say, what to do, and what not to say during the big moment. 

Just remember that it’s not a chance for you to berate or embarrass the bride and groom, it’s a chance to have a little bit of fun, tell some stories about the happy couple and wish them well for their future together.

Lisa Plaitt