50 Hysterical Lines To Make Your Maid Of Honor Speech As Funny As Possible

Cracking Up the Crowd: 80+ Funny Lines for Your Maid of Honor Speech

Being a Maid Of Honor can be such a blessing, but it is also a big responsibility.

You are an integral part of the happy couple’s wedding day, and will be responsible for helping the bride in any way that you can.

You’ll be walking with her down the aisle, helping with bridal party duties, and of course, you have the Maid Of Honor speech.

While you may be over the moon that the bride has asked for you to stand up there with her at the altar on the big day, the thought of doing a speech in front of lots of guests can be a little unnerving. 

That’s where we come in handy.

With this guide, you can get some inspiration and guidance of what to say in your Maid Of Honor speech to absolutely kill it!

We’ll cover how to structure the speech, what hysterical lines you can include, the best tips, and how to actually write your Maid Of Honor speech.

So, read on to find out!

How To Structure Your Maid Of Honor Speech

If you want to knock your maid of honor speech out of the park, then you’ll need to plan it well.

While everyone will have a different approach to a Maid Of Honor speech, as you know the bride and groom so well, it is a good idea to have a structure to follow, so you don’t go off on a tangent and start attacking the happy couple with rude comments or anecdotes. 

Luckily for you, we have a sort of template that you can follow so that your speech is structured and well rounded.

First off, start with a little bit about yourself to just introduce yourself, but remember this is not about you.

Then, you can move on to how you know the bride first, but also how you know the groom and a little bit about them as a couple. 

You can begin with a line about who you are, how long you’ve known the bride, and how strong your friendship has been over the years.

You can talk a little bit about your life with the bride before she found the person of her dreams.

Then, this can lead into how her soulmate has changed her life for the better, and what role they have played in this. 

You can then talk about the things they have achieved together, whether that is purchasing a home, having children, traveling, pets, or growing as individuals and as a couple.

Talk about how they complement each other, and how they bring out the best in one another. 

Throughout the speech, you will want to throw in some funny anecdotes about the bride and groom.

These can be slightly embarrassing, but not too over the line so that your bride would feel ashamed or uncomfortable. 

However, keep in mind that you shouldn’t just be telling stories and reminiscing about your time with the bride, the anecdotes should be linked to an overall theme about her personality, and you can loop it back to that to get the crowd smiling or laughing.

Make sure your stories all come together to have a happier, more emotional response as a result.

Finally, you’ll want to sum up and talk about the relationship and happiness that the couple share together. Talk about them as a couple, and bring it back to the present and talk about the wedding day itself.

Then, you can make a toast as the conclusion, and wish the happy couple all of the best for the future. 

Funny Maid of Honor Introductory Lines

The Ultimate Guide To Your Maid Of Honor Speech

To start off your speech, you’ll need to introduce yourself. You can use some of these funny lines to get things going.

  • Hi folks, it’s me, the Maid of Honor — not quite as beautiful as the bride but she asked me anyway so here I am!
  • As we all know, being the Maid of Honor is a great privilege – especially when it means that I get to embarrass you in front of everyone!
  • Before I start, I’d just like to remind you that standing on chairs and tables is not permitted by the venue, so don’t worry about my standing ovation.
  • Today we are gathered here to witness a magical, life changing event…my speech. The wedding wasn’t so bad either! 
  • We can all agree that it’s been a beautiful and wonderful day. Unfortunately, that ends here with my speech!
  • Today marks a momentous occasion in all our lives – because finally this couple is tying the knot after years of playing hide-and-seek with true love!
  • Can you all hear me okay? If you can’t hear in the back, the complete silence in the front should tell you all you need to know.
  • Of all the weddings I’ve attended in the past, this one, by far…is the most recent.
  • The happy couple have asked that I don’t tell any embarrassing stories during this speech. So, that’s all from me, folks. Thanks for listening. 
  • Today, we honor not just one person but two – after all, they both deserve recognition for finding each other in this crazy world!
  • To be honest, I kinda have to thank myself as well – after all, I’m the one who introduced them to each other right?!
  • Moving on from my obvious greatness… congratulations on your everlasting companionship!
  • It’s time for me to take the reins and let you all in on why this couple is so special – after all, I’m the only one who knows their secrets, right?
  • When I first heard that my best friend was getting married, I had one immediate thought: finally, someone who can handle her sass better than me!
  • I’d like to thank everyone for being here today, especially those of you who are on the same team as me in our ongoing prank war against the bride-to-be!

Funny Lines About the Bride

  • The bride always used to tell me she wanted nothing more than to be married, but that was before I caught her in a secret meeting with George Clooney last week!
  • Now she can finally cross off “buy a wedding dress” from her to-do list for the year.
  • She always said she’d never settle for anything less than the perfect man, and gosh, it seems like she barely made it!
  • I’m not saying ‘Bride’ changes her mind too much, but I have still got the receipt for the wedding gift!
  • If you want to find out more about the bride, I’m sure Google will be very happy to help!
  • As a friend, I would do anything for ‘Bride’, but now you’re married, ‘Groom’ can do it for you!
  • I want to thank the Bride for choosing me to be part of her big day. And ‘Groom’ for having such handsome groomsmen! How you doin’? 
  • ‘Bride’ has been so excited to be a wife, for so many reasons, but mainly because she can eat what she wants now, and will never have to shave her legs again!
  • ‘Bride’ has never been the type to back down from a challenge. That’s why she married ‘Groom’. 
  • When I first sat down to write my speech, I just kept thinking; I can’t believe ‘Bride’ is getting married…in less than an hour. 
  • The Bride looks just like a princess tonight. I just hope she doesn’t run away by midnight!
  • I could tell that it was true love when ‘Bride’ found out he was a ‘Team’ fan, and still decided to marry him.
  • I have to let the groom’s friends know that ‘Bride’ loves spending time with you, so remember that when he cancels plans and blames her. 
  • When the bride’s parents first saw him, they asked “how do we know he’s not a frog?” To which of course, I replied: “because she kissed him and he didn’t turn into a prince!
  • Let’s raise a glass to our blushing bride, who knows that she’s got me behind her with unconditional love and support…and lots of sass!
  • This couple has been through a lot together, and surprisingly, she still likes him!

Funny Advice for the Groom

  • Being married is all about compromise. If ‘Bride’ wants a puppy, and ‘Groom’ doesn’t, then they’ll have to compromise…and get a puppy.
  • She’s the one who always makes sure her friends are having a good time, even if that means bribing them with lots of cake!
  • ‘Bride’ has always been like a sister to me, so watch out ‘Groom’ she will steal your makeup and heels.
  • I’m not saying that you’ll never be right again ‘Groom’, but you’re never going to admit it.  
  • Welcome to the family, groom! Now you finally get to enjoy all of the benefits that come with being married – like getting up early on weekends and having to do twice the number of dishes yourself!
  • ‘Groom’ is definitely cut out to be a great dad. After all, he has an awful sense of humor already!
  • ‘Groom’, never forget to say those three magical words…’okay buy it’. 
  • Remember, ‘Groom’, happy wife, happy life!
  • The bride may have said “I do,” but I think the groom’s real response was “Oh boy, what did I just get myself into?
  • When she said yes to him, I think we were all surprised…to learn how quickly he could move!
  • Even though the groom is out of our price range, we’ll still support them in every way possible.

Maid of Honor Speech Jokes

  • I’m so happy you two found each other, even if it took an online dating app to do it!
  • I’m so excited to watch you make your way down the aisle – but mostly because I get to see what this dress looks like from the back!
  • A wedding isn’t just about two hearts coming together… it’s also about how much money they can blow in one night.
  • It’s no secret that weddings can be expensive, but it looks like it was worth every penny. I mean, just look at the cake…it has more layers than a wedding dress!
  • I’m sure the bride and groom would like to thank their parents for paying for this wedding. As a Maid of Honor, I’d like to thank my bank account for lasting until the end!
  • It’s time to “tie the knot” – Well, I guess we don’t have actual knots for this ceremony…
  • The bride is always right – except when she’s wrong, then I’m right!
  • As they embark on married life together, let’s hope there are more high points than low ones – otherwise it could be a bit of a roller coaster ride!
  • We’ve all heard the saying ‘love is blind’ – but in this case, I think it’s fair to say that love is also deaf, because you can hear the happy couple yelling at each other from miles away!
  • If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that marriage is a lot like a seesaw: eventually, you’ll find balance!
  • I’m so glad that there are two people here today who understand each other better than anyone else…the bride and her credit card company!
  • You two are such an amazing couple that even Cupid is jealous!
  • Now that you’ve tied the knot, does anyone know where I can find some single friends?
  • Hey everyone, let’s give it up for the newlyweds for finding each other among all the fish in this sea!
  • Although you two are definitely a match made in heaven, let’s be honest — no one is perfect! So enjoy your imperfectly perfect union!
  • Here’s to the new Mr. & Mrs., and the many adventures they will have together — just remember guys, my door is always open if things get a little too adventurous!
  • I’d like to offer you some relationship advice for the future…but I’m still single and have three cats, so what do I know?

Funny Maid of Honor Toasts

  • A toast to the happy couple – may your love last for a lifetime even if it doesn’t last through your honeymoon!
  • Here’s to many nights spent cuddling on the couch watching Netflix together!
  • It’s been a long road but today we can finally say: mission accomplished! The bride and groom are officially off the market!
  • To the happy couple – may you live happily ever after … or at least until the next argument!
  • Ladies and gentlemen, let us raise our glasses for the Bride and Groom, who will be living happily ever after…hopefully with little help from me!
  • Last but not least – remember when all else fails, tacos always win! Cheers!
  • Here’s a toast to the bride and groom: may they always leave the toilet seat down!
  • May your love be as unconditional as my agreement to give this speech!
  • I hereby declare these two officially husband and wife – because clearly no one else will marry them!
  • Live happily ever after? More like laugh hysterically for eternity! Congratulations!
  • As we celebrate here today, may the bride and groom always remember to never forget a very important lesson — know that I’m always right!
  • A toast to our beautiful bride – may she always remember that no matter who comes into her life, nothing can replace him, urgh I mean me as her best friend!
  • Before I end this speech, I’d just like to ask the bride and groom to turn and look at each other. Look into each other’s eyes. You are now facing the person who is statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!!

Romantic Maid Of Honor Lines

  • May you have health, wealth, and love, but most importantly, may you have all of the time in the world to enjoy all of them. 
  • You are so blessed to have been able to celebrate your love on such a beautiful day, so let’s raise our glasses to the bride and groom. 
  • All relationships have challenges, and it’s never easy. But, with patience, and the power of love you can grow together and learn together. 
  • ‘Bride’ has always been a role model for me. I hope that one day I too will find a partner, a best friend and a love that she has found in ‘Groom’. 
  • A great marriage is all about falling in love many times, over and over again with the same person. 
  • As Natalie Cole once said: The greatest thing you will learn is to love and to be loved in return.
  • I hope your love will be modern enough to survive the times, and old fashioned enough to last forever. 
  • When the love is real, it feels effortless.
  • Let’s raise a glass to the bride and groom, I wish you nothing but happiness in your life together.
  • May each day be filled with love and laughter.
  • I hope each day of wedded bliss is as joyous, and magical as today has been. 
  • I hope ‘for better or worse’ ends up being far better than worse. 

How To Write Your Maid Of Honor Speech

When it comes to writing the Maid Of Honor Speech, follow our template and structure above. However, there are a few things to keep in mind.

50 Hysterical Lines To Make Your Maid Of Honor Speech As Funny As Possible (1)

For instance, when it comes to writing the speech, this is not something you’ll want to do the week before the wedding. 

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While it can be great to include mishaps or memories that were made at the bachelorette party or in the rehearsal dinner, you’ll want to have some time to brainstorm ideas, memories and stories that you have shared together.

Then, you can narrow down the list and find the most impactful stories to tell. 

You should also avoid using cliche lines such as Bride is such a wonderful person and a great friend, unless you have an anecdote that relates to this.

Just providing lists of praise can be monotonous for the audience, so illustrate why the bride or groom is so great with a story instead of just saying it to people. 

When writing and planning your speech, you will also need to consider a few things.

For instance, think about who’s speech is before or after yours, so that there is no similarity, or you don’t end up telling the same stories.

Also consider who is going to be listening to the speech, is the bride’s grandma going to be there? What things do you not want to say in front of them?

Also, is there a line you’d like to say to the bride’s new groom? You may want to wish them well or give some advice for their future ahead. 

Try to remember that while this is a moment for you to stand up and say something, it is not about you. It should be focused around the bride and groom, so you should not be the one shining through the speech. 

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You should also avoid talking about exes in detail, as the speech is in front of all of their family and friends, and the same goes for dirty talk, toilet humor, or deeply personal information. 

Finally, ensure you have moments within your speech where you can pause for a reaction, so that the audience can laugh, and still be able to hear the next part of the speech without missing anything. 

Top Tips For Your Maid Of Honor Speech

  1. Make it short and sweet
  1. Focus on the couple, not just the bride
  1. Don’t include inside jokes – the crowd won’t understand
  1. Have some fun, but don’t cross the line or end up bullying
  1. Practice beforehand
  1. Make sure you tell a story
  1. Don’t use cliches
  1. Don’t mention exes
  1. Don’t say anything inflammatory
  1. End with a nice comment and a toast

Summary

To summarize, being a Maid Of Honor is exactly that- it’s an honor. You get to support the bride through one of the most important and memorable moments in her life, and be an essential part of the big day.

While the Maid Of Honor speech can be daunting, it can be so much easier if you do some prep work beforehand.

With this guide, you’ll have plenty of inspiration, funny quotes and an easy to follow structure, so you know what to say, what to do, and what not to say during the big moment. 

Just remember that it’s not a chance for you to berate or embarrass the bride and groom, it’s a chance to have a little bit of fun, tell some stories about the happy couple and wish them well for their future together.

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Lisa Plaitt